A reader named Jill K., 44, from Fort Wayne, Indiana, sent me a note last week. She said she is heading back to an office job after years at home with her kids. She said she is nervous about the small stuff. Where to eat lunch. How loud to talk. What to do when someone is rude. She asked if I had any advice. I told her I would ask around.

I used to be a teacher before my three kids were born. A school is not a regular office, but it has a shared staff room, a front office, a copier that jams, and a fridge that nobody cleans. So I had a few memories of my own. I also put a question out to readers of this blog and asked what office habits drive them up the wall. The replies came in all week.

Every night after the kids were in bed and my husband was finishing the dishes, I sat at the kitchen table with my laptop and read through the answers. Here is what readers of this blog said, paired with the moments from my own working years that came back to me as I read.

Keep phone calls off speaker in shared spaces

On Monday night I opened the replies and the very first batch was about noise. Megan P., 34, from Des Moines, Iowa, wrote, “The guy at the desk next to mine takes every call on speaker. I know his dentist’s name. I know his mother’s grocery list. I wear headphones all day just to get work done.” Reading that brought back the staff room at my old school. A coworker used to call the pharmacy on speaker during lunch, and the rest of us just ate quietly and waited. Nobody said anything. Everybody noticed.

The takeaway is simple. A shared space is not a private office. Pick up the phone, or step into a hall or an empty room to talk. People around you will not say anything, but they will remember it.

Leave the fish at home for lunch

Tuesday night I read replies while my husband wiped down the counters behind me. Carl H., 52, from Tacoma, Washington, wrote, “Our break room is small. Someone microwaves leftover salmon every Thursday. The smell sits in the air until the next morning. We have asked nicely. It still happens.” I laughed because I have been on the other side of that. In my teaching years I reheated a curry dish in the staff room microwave, and the school secretary gave me a look I can still picture. I did not do it again.

The lesson I took from the replies is that lunch at work is not just about what you like. It is about the people who share the air with you. Strong smelling food is better eaten at home or outside.

Wash your own dish before you walk away

On Wednesday I was already tired before I opened the laptop. Our youngest had a rough bedtime. The first reply I read was from Vanessa L., 29, from Charlotte, North Carolina. She wrote, “There is always a mug in the sink with coffee dried to the bottom. It is never mine. It is never anyone’s. Somehow it stays there for days.” I remembered the sink in my old school staff room. A kind older teacher used to wash everyone’s cups each Friday without a word, and the rest of us let her. I feel a little ashamed of that now.

The takeaway is one I give my kids at home too. If you dirtied it, you clean it. A single rinsed mug takes seconds. A sink full of them tells everyone who the adults in the building really are.

Think before you hit reply all

Thursday night my husband sat down across from me with a cup of tea and asked what the readers were saying. I read him this reply from Greg S., 45, from Albuquerque, New Mexico. He wrote, “Someone sent a birthday note to the whole company. Then forty people hit reply all to say happy birthday. My inbox was useless for an hour.” My husband nodded slowly and said he knew exactly what that felt like. At my old school, the principal once sent a schedule change to all staff, and a chain of replies about a lost scarf followed it for a full day.

The lesson is small but it matters. Before you send an email, look at who is on it. If your answer only matters to one person, send it to that person. Everyone else will be grateful.

Do not hover at a desk while someone is working

Friday was a long day with school pickups and a practice run, so I read replies late. Tonya B., 41, from Louisville, Kentucky, wrote, “A coworker stands at my desk and waits for me to look up. She does not say anything. She just stands there. I lose my train of thought every time.” That stopped me. I used to do that to the school librarian. I would walk into the library with a question and stand at the counter until she looked at me. I thought I was being polite by not interrupting. I was interrupting anyway.

The plain takeaway is to say hello and ask if now is a good time. If the answer is no, say you will come back and then actually come back later. Standing silently at a desk is not patience. It is pressure.

Keep the gossip out of the building

Saturday morning I read replies with my coffee while my kids watched cartoons. Erin F., 37, from Madison, Wisconsin, wrote, “There is a small group that eats lunch together and picks apart everyone else. I joined once. I felt terrible for the rest of the day. I eat at my desk now.” I understood that feeling. My old school had a corner of the staff room where a few teachers talked about students, parents, and other teachers. I drifted over to it more than once. Nothing good ever came of it, and a few things said there got back to the people they were about.

The lesson I keep coming back to is that gossip feels like belonging but it is not. If you would not say it with the person standing there, do not say it. Find your lunch friends some other way.

Stay home when you are sick

Saturday night I read a reply out loud to my husband because it was so blunt. Paul D., 48, from Scranton, Pennsylvania, wrote, “A coworker came in coughing and sneezing for a full week. He said he was too busy to stay home. Half the floor was sick the week after. Nobody thanked him for his dedication.” My husband laughed and then said that is exactly how a cold gets into a house with kids too. I thought of the year our whole school passed a stomach bug around because a few of us felt we could not miss a day.

The takeaway is plain. If you are sick, stay home or work from home if that is an option. Coming in sick does not look dedicated to the people around you. It looks like you did not think of them.

Show up on time and end on time

Sunday afternoon I sat down with the last stack of replies while my husband took the kids to the park. More than a few readers wrote about meetings. The one that stuck with me was from Nadia R., 33, from Sacramento, California. She wrote, “Our weekly meeting starts late because the same person is always late. Then it runs over because the same person has a last question. I plan my whole day around a meeting that never respects my time.” I thought about staff meetings after school in my teaching days. The ones that started late and ran long were the ones everyone dreaded, even when the content was useful.

The lesson is about respect more than about clocks. Be in the room when the meeting starts. If it is your meeting, end it when you said you would. People notice who values their time.

Never eat food that is not yours

Sunday night I read the very last reply before closing the laptop. It was from Marcus T., 39, from Omaha, Nebraska. He wrote, “My lunch had my name on it in marker. Someone ate it anyway. Then they left the empty container in the fridge. I still do not know who it was. I think about it more than I should.” I laughed, but I also felt for him. In my old school a teacher kept a labeled bag of fruit in the staff fridge, and it went missing so often she started bringing it in a lunch box with a lock. That was a sad thing to watch.

The plain takeaway is that a shared fridge is not a free fridge. If your name is not on it, it is not yours. If you are hungry, there is a vending machine.

That is what readers of this blog had to say, and I passed all of it along to Jill before she started her new job. None of it is complicated. Most of it comes down to noticing the people around you and treating a shared space like it belongs to everyone, because it does. I have not worked in a building with other adults in a while, but I was surprised how many of these I recognized from my own teaching years, and a few of them I recognized from my own behavior.

My husband said the list reads a lot like the rules we try to keep at home with our kids. Clean up after yourself. Keep your voice down when others are busy. Do not take what is not yours. Show up when you said you would. I think he is right. Which of these office habits bothers you the most, and have you ever found a kind way to bring it up with the person doing it?