My mom came to stay with us for a week in early December. My husband and I were glad for the help before the holidays, and my three kids were thrilled before the car even pulled into the driveway. I spent that week watching how my kids acted around my mom. I noticed what they asked about, what they copied, and what they talked about at bedtime.

I also asked readers of this blog a simple question. What do you still remember about your grandparents? The replies came in all week, and I read them at the kitchen table after everyone was asleep. The answers were small. Almost nobody mentioned big trips or expensive gifts.

So here is what I learned from one week of watching my mom with my kids, plus the memories readers were kind enough to share. These are the things grandkids seem to hold onto.

They will remember how you greet them at the door

My mom pulled into the driveway on a cold Monday afternoon. My kids were pressed against the front window before the engine was off. When my mom came up the walk, she set her bag down on the porch and crouched to the level of our youngest first. She looked each kid in the face and said their name. Only after that did she stand up and hug me.

Our youngest talked about that hello for the rest of the night. Not the bag, not the presents, just the hello.

The takeaway is plain. Grandkids remember whether you lit up when you saw them.

They will remember the simple food you made for them

On the second morning of my mom’s visit, my mom made oatmeal on the stove. It was plain oatmeal with a spoon of brown sugar on top. Nothing special. My kids ate every bite and asked if my mom could make it again the next day. I make oatmeal all the time, and I get a very different response.

A reader named Margaret S., 54, from Lincoln, Nebraska, wrote, “My grandmother made toast with cinnamon and sugar every single time we visited. I can still smell it. I make it for my own grandkids now and I cry a little every time.”

The food does not have to be fancy. Grandkids remember that you made something for them, with your own hands, more than once.

They will remember the stories you tell about their parents

One evening during my mom’s visit, my mom told my kids about the day I lost a shoe on the walk home from school as a little girl. My kids laughed so hard our middle one fell off the chair. Then they wanted another story, and another. My husband was laughing too, and I was not sure I loved that.

My kids asked for those stories every night that week. They liked hearing that I was once small, and that I made mistakes, and that my mom still loved me.

Grandkids remember the stories only you can tell. You hold a version of their parents that nobody else has.

They will remember that you let them help

My mom was making a pot of soup on Wednesday, and our youngest wanted to stir. I would have said no. The pot was big, and the spoon was long, and I could see the mess coming. My mom pulled a chair to the stove, stood behind our youngest, and let the stirring happen. Soup splashed on the counter. My mom wiped it up without a word.

Our youngest told my husband at dinner, “I made the soup.” My mom just nodded and said that was true.

Grandkids remember being trusted with a real job. The mess is forgotten fast. The pride is not.

They will remember the small things you keep in your purse

My mom’s purse sat on the hall bench all week. By Thursday my kids had learned every item in it. There were butterscotch candies, a tiny pack of tissues, a pen that writes in four colors, and a photo of my kids tucked behind the wallet. Our oldest found the photo and went quiet for a moment.

A reader named Tom B., 47, from Spokane, Washington, wrote, “My grandpa kept peppermints in his coat pocket. He would hand one to me without looking, like it was a secret. I still keep peppermints in my coat.”

Grandkids remember the tiny, steady things you carry. A candy. A tissue. A picture of them.

They will remember how you reacted when they broke something

On Thursday afternoon our middle one knocked a mug off the counter. It was my mom’s travel mug, the one my mom brings everywhere. It cracked on the floor. Our middle one froze and looked ready to cry. My mom said, “Well, that mug had a good run.” Then my mom got the broom and asked our middle one to hold the dustpan.

Nobody got lectured. Nobody got blamed. The mug went in the trash, and the afternoon went on.

Grandkids remember whether you were safe to make mistakes around. A calm response to a broken thing teaches more than a speech.

They will remember the sayings you repeat

My mom has said the same thing at bedtime since I was little. She says it to my kids now. It is a short rhyme about sleeping tight and seeing each other in the morning. By Friday night, our youngest was saying it back to my mom before my mom could finish.

I did not teach that rhyme to my kids. My mom did, just by saying it every single night.

A reader named Alicia R., 39, from Chattanooga, Tennessee, wrote, “My grandmother always said ‘this too shall pass’ when I was upset. I hear it in her voice when things get hard. It still helps.”

Grandkids remember the words you say over and over. Pick kind ones.

They will remember how you treat their parents

On Friday evening my husband came home late and tired. My mom had kept a plate warm for him in the oven. She did not make a comment about the hour. She just set the plate down and asked about his day. My kids were watching from the living room. Our oldest later said, “Grandma is nice to Dad.”

I thought about that comment for a long time. My kids notice how my mom speaks to me and to my husband. They are learning what respect between adults looks like.

Grandkids remember whether you were kind to their parents. That shapes how they treat their own parents, and how they treat you.

They will remember the attention you gave without a screen

On Saturday morning my mom sat down at the table with a puzzle and our oldest. My mom’s phone was in her coat pocket in the hall. The puzzle took most of the morning. My mom did not check the time or get up to do something else. My mom asked questions and listened to the long answers.

I noticed my own phone was in my hand while I watched them. I put it in a drawer.

A reader named Priya N., 32, from Raleigh, North Carolina, wrote, “My grandfather never once looked at a clock when I was talking. I felt like the most important person alive.”

Grandkids remember when you were fully there. They can tell the difference.

They will remember how you said goodbye

On Sunday morning my mom packed her bag and set it by the door. My kids were quiet. My mom hugged each kid, one at a time, and said one specific thing to each of them. To our oldest, my mom said she was proud of how hard our oldest had worked on the puzzle. To our middle one, my mom said she liked the dustpan help. To our youngest, my mom said the soup was the best soup of the whole week.

Then my mom waved from the car until the car turned the corner. My kids waved back the whole time.

Grandkids remember whether you left them with something specific and kind. A goodbye can last a lifetime.

The house was quiet after my mom drove away, and my kids were a little sad for the rest of the day. That told me more than anything else I noticed that week. The things my kids will remember are not big. They are a hello at the door, a bowl of oatmeal, a calm voice over a broken mug, and a wave from a car window.

I am not a grandparent yet. But I hope I remember this week when my turn comes. What do you still remember about your own grandparents?